4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
