is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone came in the potted fern
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
