so explain again why im purple
no
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
