Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
