is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Bring me that man meat
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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