Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
