Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
