My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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