Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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