Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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