I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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