the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
