Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My ass is underappreciated
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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