I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
