I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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