Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
