You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
