Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
