i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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