There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize