can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
did i just pee glitter
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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