Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
