How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
