I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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