if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
