god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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