My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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