If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
