I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
