eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
