My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
