Sry I called you an 8
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
