If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
