can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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