I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
