My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
