I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
