Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize