I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
