her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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