If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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