Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
