I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
