oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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