help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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