you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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