Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
