took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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