Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
