I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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