Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
