FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
