If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
