i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
of course. lets lasso hookers.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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