Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
