Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
