it was like his penis was on wheels.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
