We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
