sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
