her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
