I wanna bring you to show and tell
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
