did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
