I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The best revenge is premature balding
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
