I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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